Play is a serious business

Sure, your cat only likes you because you feed it, you're just a handy source of food for them! Isn't that what people like to say about cats? And, consequently, it follows that in order to make a cat like you, you have to use food. So, a way to a cat's heart is through their stomach.

Of course, I'm not going to deny that food matters in these matters; it does, and it's always the first thing I recommend the cat adopters do when they get home with their new feline family members - feed the newcomers. Because it's a good start.

But I also believe that while food fosters a dependency, play creates a relationship. And isn't that what we all want from our pets, ultimately?

So, in this post I would like to look at some aspects of play that I have found useful for different occasions or situations and how it can help build trust and intimacy.

Kittens start to play with each other and their mother (if she lets them;) at around 3 weeks of age. Sure, they are still quite wobbly and uncoordinated at that stage, but I don't have to tell you how incredibly cute their efforts at mutual play are. I'm sure you can imagine. Or you have witnessed it yourself. There's something really sweet about tiny fluffballs trying to have fun with their peers and succeeding (or not) at varying levels:)

As their coordination improves, they begin experimenting with solo play and object play. When we had Poppy raising her babies here, I was lucky to capture the exact moment when Gleeson attempted to play with a ball for the very first time! This is what it looked like:

A born pro:)

At that early age (between 3-8 weeks), the focus is on the establishment of rules, basically. This is the time when you can't forget to let them know that human hands and feet are not toys. Because they will try to play with them - that's what they do with their siblings (the mother usually strictly discourages that kind of behaviour with her), and you have to remind them that even though you are great craic😜 and a super cool buddy😎, they can't treat you like their siblings in the crib.

So, if they 'attack' your hands or feet, your main aim is to make them seem as boring as possible - making your hands into immobile fists and coming to a complete standstill with your feet usually does the trick. Things that don't move don't interest cats in general. Actually, to be super honest, people using their fingers or toes to entice kittens to play with them has kinda become one of my pet peeves. Because I can see the potential problems that this can create for the future, when the kitten has become a cat with proper claws that can do some serious damage to any moving target, including human limbs or digits.

One really handy and helpful thing in relation to this issue is introducing a kicker toy to the little hunters. It can be pretty much anything that can be kicked. It encourages their wrestling instincts (which is basically what they're trying to do when they are 'attacking' your extremities - it's kinda them saying 'you wanna take this outside?'😉)

A soft toy would be useful as a kicker, or a dog's tug rope, or a stuffed old sock, kinda like the one I made for our first cat Vader when he first moved in with us and started showing interest in 'fighting' our hands:

Another pretty surefire method of dealing with an insistent wrestler is distraction and reward: simply distract them by throwing a ball for them to run after, or use a toy to dangle in front of them, and when they turn their attention to the toy and away from your limbs, encourage them with as many 'good boys' or 'good girls' as you like (I wouldn't give them actual treats, to be honest, there's no need for that, really, in this situation). Your tone of voice will tell them how much you appreciate this turn of events:)

Happy was the kind of kitten who befriended a giraffe - his favourite kicker toy:)
(To answer Moira Rose's immortal question😉)

Not only does play create a trusty relationship between you and your cat, it can also be a very useful tool in the taming of the 'shy' ones. Here, 'shy' usually stands for semi-feral and untrusting of humans. I talked about that a little bit in the Supporting the Shy Ones post, but I'd like to get into more detail around the play element here.

So, when a 'shy' cat comes into foster, I normally just leave them alone for the first few days. What I mean by that is not that I neglect them but that I simply feed them and clean after them, while making encouraging conversation at them in a soft tone of voice. Then, after a few initial days of allowing them to relax a bit and see that there's no immediate threat to their safety in this house, I start making gestures towards them inviting them to play. So, I might throw a ball around in front of them (they're usually in some kind of a cubbyhole at that stage), making it sound as if I'm having so much fun myself with the ball. Some of them will not be able to muster too much resistance and they will start playing with the ball very quickly, and then you can slowly start building towards a more intimate relationship.

If they are not convinced, the next thing I use is a ball on a string. And I make sure that the string is quite long, so I can control the distance between me and the ball and the cat. Because if they are really unsure of humans, you don't want to encroach on their personal space too soon, so you have to start from quite a distance. I would normally sit in the middle of the room and kinda throw the ball out towards the cat (who's in their hole, remember), who will start playing with the ball eventually (I have never seen it not work). Initially, they will play with the ball just near their lair, only coming out sporadically 'by accident', but as they get more into the game and start enjoying themselves properly, it's time to start shortening the string. It's usually no use to try to do it all in one day, so maybe give the long string play a day or two and then proceed to the next level. As you shorten the string and have the cat running after it, catching it, you can start tricking them into physical contact with you. While running after the ball all over the room (as much as the now shortened string allows), you can make the cat 'accidentally' have to run over your legs. At first they might jump and back away as soon as they hit the human legs , but once they realise that nothing bad happens in that interaction, they usually start looking forward to those 'accidental' encounters. And gradually, of course, those encounters turn from accidental to absolutely deliberate, and usually lead to some proper relaxed lap time. And pets and cuddles, because we all need a hug now and again.

Of course, this can take anything from a few days to a few months, depending on the circumstances. I have found that when I have the time to concentrate on a particular 'shy' cat, things happen quite quickly, but if I'm busy with work or have too many cats to care for, then those 'special cases' might not get the attention they need and things might drag on.

However, having mentioned other cats in the mix, I have to admit that very often the company of feline play buddies who are very happy to interact with me can really help move things along. This year, for example, I had brothers Lenny and Mars staying with us for a couple of months. While Lenny took all of one day to become my new best friend, Mars needed a lot more convincing:) And that's where play truly came into its own. Usually, and ultimately, a kitten ('shy' or otherwise) simply can't resist joining in the fun for too long, when a fellow feline they trust and love really seems to enjoy the company of this weird human creature. Curiosity tends to get the better of them😉 What I do in such a situation is basically put on a show of playing for the 'shy' one. I make sure that the playful brother is having all the fun in the world right in front of the timid brother. Ultimately, it's using the friendly one as a live model for desired behaviour:) And with a trusted feline buddy showing him the ropes, Mars started coming out of his cubbyhole and shell and engaging in full-on play with both me and Lenny.

Lenny (front) and Mars

After a while I discovered that out of the two, it was Mars who was the truly trusting one (actually, that seems to happen often with the formerly 'shy' cats - it's almost as though if you have earned their trust, you have earned it 100% and more. They'd probably trust you blindly, in fact.

Anyway, as you can imagine, this kind of transformation is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have in fostering: getting to witness journeys from complete distrust to unwavering trust is something I wish everyone could experience at least once. It truly is next-level kinda special.

Coming back to the food vs play issue, I have noticed that once you have gained their complete trust and they see you as their fun friend (and food provider), they are often willing to forego food in favour of some play- or cuddle time with you. That's why I often say that instead of foody treats why not just offer them your time and attention - you'd be surprised at how far that can go! I have seen it so many times - they greet me as I enter the room and when I proceed to fill their empty bowls, they instead nudge me for a cuddle or indicate that it's time to play. And once we're in the cuddle or play mode, they tend to forget about their love of food, sometimes for quite a while:)

Well, this became a long one:) Thank you for sticking with it all the way down here - I'll give you a little gallery of the cutest little play buddies we've had over the years. Enjoy:)